The recent release of Alice in Wonderland has re-introduced the classic tea party theme.  Many brides are trying to have summer tea-party weddings.  We’re familiar with the specialty cocktail for a bride and groom, what about a specialty tea blend as well?  Sure, you could just purchase your favorite tea bags and re-wrap like this article explains.  Or, you could purchase different loose leaf tea and make your own blend.  Places like Amazon sell seal-able tea bag filters like these or you could make your own cloth bags like this article explains.  Making your own favors, and being able to purchase your supplies in bulk, will cut down your wedding expenses.

I’m an animal lover. My two cats are easily my best friends in the world (even if they can sometimes be a little… well… catty, but what best friend isn’t sometimes catty?). Still, would I ever include my cats in my wedding? No. Not a chance. Call me old fashioned, but I believe weddings are for people. So my wedding advice is to leave the critters at home (or in a kennel), and let the bipedals enjoy their day. Unless you’re a bride who want to enter in a horse-drawn carriage.  Then you can have a four-legged creature… that’s OK, I guess.

I actually didn’t always feel this way about including animals in weddings. I honestly didn’t think much about it. But then I read this article, and specifically, one line from the article, that made me change my mind:

“Muffin Top, a two-year-old Pomapoo, will be wearing a pink satin harness dress while the maid of honour leads her down the aisle on a tiny pink leash.”
Muffin Top? Pomapoo? Pink satin harness dress? Maid of Honour? I don’t know if any two of those phrases should ever be used in the same sentence… but all four? I simply can’t support it. Just trust me on this one, gals. This isn’t wedding savings advice I’m offering up here at Practically Ever After. This is advice for how to save your wedding. Just leave the fuzzy creatures at home!

There was an article in the Washington Post with wedding savings advice. Well… it kind of had wedding savings advice. To be fair, it was more about how ridiculous people are for spending so much money on their weddings. You might think, as a lover of all things extravagant-wedding-related, I’d be the first person to take offense at people criticizing the desires of brides on their “big days.” But actually, I fully agree with the author of the article. Wedding costs are absurd. The amount the average couple (and their families) spend on weddings is way, way, way too much — somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000. Worst of all, that doesn’t even include the costs of attending a wedding. Remember, everyone who attends a wedding has to have an outfit, a gift, and might even have to travel. Sure, some people choose to save on their wedding expenses to attend other people’s weddings, but a lot of people are also prone to buying new outfits, flying across country, buying expensive registry gifts, and so on. These costs all add up.

At the same time, I LOVE weddings. I love what they symbolize, and I love the joy they provide, and I love the experiences they create, and just love the way they always make me feel. So that’s kind of why I agreed to help with this wedding savings blog (though to be honest, I know I’ve been a bit bad about my new posts recently… so sorry!). I think it is possible to have a fabulous wedding and achieve fabulous wedding savings at the same time.

Remember… a wedding is about bringing your loved ones together and celebrating your marriage to someone you truly care about. All those details, like flowers, rings, dresses, and whether or not the DJ should play YMCA, are all there to support your celebration, not be the focus of your attention.

I was reading an article with wedding savings tips. It wasn’t a very exciting article, so I’m not even going to bother sending you to it (remember… that’s my job… filter out all the useless wedding advice and just give you the good stuff!), but there was one quote I just had to share. In the article, one of the brides being interview says this:

“Pick three to five things and do those things very well. That was the best advice anyone ever gave me.”

I don’t know about “best wedding advice possible” status, but the more I think about this little comment, the more I really like it. At the end of the day, no one is really going to remember your wedding for all the little details. They’ll probably just blur together in one big memory from all sorts of weddings past. Heck, even as a wedding junkie, when I look back on any one specific wedding, I see a big blur of an image and can rarely pick out one specific detail.

However, in a few cases, I think back on weddings I’ve attended and remember one or two precise details that were incredible. For example, my roommate from sophomore year had the most incredible lobster bisque I’ve ever tasted. It was to die for. In fact, it was so great that every time I’m in South Jersey, I still go by that restaurant where she had the reception and order it. It’s incredible.

In another example, I’ll absolutely never forget the gardens where my cousin got married. You’ve never seen so many beautiful flowers everywhere. If a little bird landed on my outstretched finger and started singing to me, I would have been 100% positive I was in a Disney movie. As of right now, I’m only 98% positive.

So when you think about your wedding priorities and where you need to best budget your limited monetary resources, consider spending more money on the things that people are going to absolutely remember. Just off the cuff, I’m thinking things like food, venue, and music. No one is going to remember if your open bar served Grey Goose instead of Smirnoff, but they’ll remember if they ate the most deliciously tender lamp chops instead of a lukewarm chicken breast. No one is going to remember if you get married in a hotel ballroom in the Ritz instead of the Marriott (a hotel ballroom is a hotel ballroom… besides, it’s all about the decorations!), but they’ll remember if you got married in a luxurious private mansion instead of a hotel ballroom. And no one is going to remember if your DJ played the Electric Slide instead of the YMCA, but they’ll remember if the best 80’s cover band in the city rocked out the wedding reception for four straight hours.

The point is, spend money where it counts, and do those things really well. The rest is just small stuff. Appetizers. Flowers. Lights. They’re all important, but they’re not necessarily memorable. So if you have to be concious of your budget, think about how you best spend where it counts most.

To be fair, I’l probably title half the articles I write with some form of the phrase “the best wedding savings advice in the entire universe.” So, on one hand, I suppose you can take an article titled “The Best Wedding Savings Tip There Is” with a grain of salt. But on the other hand, it’s not like any wedding savings tip is really going to be bad. And in this case, I think it’s a pretty good one.

When it comes to wedding savings advice, there really is no “magic bullet” or perfect way to save yourself thousands of dollars. Quite simply, it just doesn’t happen. Even the best DIY brides are going to disagree on the best ways to “do it yourself.” But one piece of wedding advice that seems to cut across all levels of wedding planning would be this: When planning a wedding, if you want to save money, you’ve got to make compromises.

I know, I know… making compromises and not getting “exactly what you want” on your wedding might not be the piece fo wedding savings advice you most want to hear, especially from a wedding blog that tries to teach you how to get what you want and save, but it’s something to at least consider. And more importantly, my suggestion is that to get the wedding of your dreams on a budget, you’ve got to learn to make the right kinds of compromises.

What the right compromises are is a little harder to explain because, quite honestly, those compromises depend a lot on you and the needs of your specific wedding. For example, some brides might be able to compromise on venues. While that dream wedding venue which is absolutely gorgeous and overlooks the most beautiful park in the city is the ideal setting for your big day, it also probably costs a few thousand dollars more than an equally gorgeous wedding venue overlooking an equally gorgeous park a 45 minute drive out into the country. So by not having your wedding downtown, you could save yourself thousands of dollars. Is a 45 minute drive for your guests worth the wedding savings?  It’s up to you. But I can tell you this… chances are great that when you, or anyone looks back on your wedding in 10 years, they’re probably not going to think “that would have been an incredible event if and only if it had been moved 45 minutes into the city and overlooked Park XYZ.”  And honestly, if someone can look back and say that, then that’s one place you shouldn’t make the compromise.

And wedding compromises don’t have to be big. They can be small compromises, too. Is having passed beverages during a cocktail hour really worth the extra $1,000 it’ll cost versus your guests going themselves to the open bar? Is anyone really going to say, “That wedding was great, except I had to walk to the bar to get my drinks instead of having the drinks come to me?” Again, I can’t tell you. But what I can tell you is if you find the places to compromise, then you can have the wedding of your dreams while still having the wedding savings you never dreamed of until you actually had to start paying for that dream wedding.

Sorry, Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn, but neither of you appear to be on the guest list...

As someone who keeps a regular wedding blog but has no chance of getting married within the next… well… my mom thinks ever, but I’d say two to three year, I always enjoy imagining all the different sorts of wedding scenarios that could happen on my big day. And since I really don’t have any set impressions about my big day (where it will be, what time of year, who the groom will be, etc.), my imagination goes a bit extreme. But, when thinking about all the different kinds of wedding craziness that may or may not happen, one thing that never jumped into my mind was needing security… at least not until I read this article about a woman who was crashing weddings and not leaving empty handed.

For the record, yes, I have envisioned wedding crashers at my wedding. (And for some reason, most of the time when I picture wedding crashers, I picture them being all my exes… which probably says something about my personal boy issues, but I won’t dig into those right now.) And to be honest, even the idea of wedding crashers doesn’t worry me. That’s probably because I’m picturing the Wedding Crashers movie, but my thought is they’ll be professional wedding attenders, and as a result, they’ll help everyone have more fun.  (And please, I know how crazy that fantasy sounds, but don’t ruin it for me!)

What I never expected was a wedding crasher who shows up specifically to steal stuff. And specifically… to steal my gifts. MY GIFTS! Who would do such a thing?

So then I started thinking, gosh am I going to need security at my wedding? And how much is that going to cost? Then again, is spending a little of my wedding budget on security going to end up saving me hundreds or even thousands of dollars in stolen gifts? I mean, let’s be realistic… I’m never going to know if someone steals my gifts. So someone could be filching my presents and I’d never know it. How horrible is that?

I don’t mean to scare anyone out there with this post… I just wanted to bring it up. Just remember, you’re going to be super busy on your wedding day and you’re probably not going to have a lot of time to be on the lookout for theifs, so perhaps a few bucks on security wouldn’t hurt. Or just remember to tell Jimmy, your ex-linebacker uncle, to be on the look-out for shady folk!

Happy Sunday everyone! Just a quick wedding savings update today… here’s an article that’s filled with good tips on how to get the most out of your wedding buck. Enjoy!

Double Duty Decorations for your wedding!

I had to share these fantastic artichoke candle holders.  They made me realize- produce is an inexpensive and beautiful way to decorate your wedding.  Just think, of the bright, beautiful colors of fruit and vegetables.  And, if you register for a juicer then everything can be re-used!

Ooooh... the silver tones in that spatula handle really complemented her dress!

This weekend, I was helping one of my girlfriends with her wedding registry, and it got me thinking about… well… wedding registries. Go figure, huh? Anyway, her philosophy was basically this: “Screw practicality! I’m going to register for all sorts of things I probably wouldn’t buy myself.” Honestly, the “I wouldn’t buy it so someone else can” approach is fine, and it fits pretty well into the one-of-two standard wedding registry advice categories. The other standard piece of wedding registry advice is to register for things you need and only things you need.

As for how wedding registries actually work out, there’s generally a balance between the two ends of the registry advice spectrum. Instead of registering for only the practical necessities or only the “I’ve always wanted to have one of these in my kitchen” items, brides wind up with a nice blend pots and pans they’ll use every day, and Kitchen Aid Mixers that get turned on once every five years or so. It works for most brides, but here’s my little piece of wedding advice for the day. What if you could use your wedding registry to save money on your actual wedding?

The truth is, chances are good you’re not exactly “doing without” right now. Sure, your towels might be a little worn. Or maybe your pots aren’t the best for evenly cooking the perfect filet for your new hubby-to-be. But you’re probably not drying yourself with paper towels. And you’re probably still managing to eat dinner every night. So for all those brides who try to take the “I’m going to only register for practical necessities” approach, I think you’re kidding yourself. You’ve got all the “real” practical necessities because, well, you’re alive and reading this wedding blog right now, right? So what on your wedding list is an absolute need?

On the other side of the spectrum, if you’re registering for the stuf you’d never buy yourself, ask yourself honestly why you’re doing it. If you’re asking for things you’d never buy yourself, that’s a pretty good sign you can’t afford to buy those items for yourself (or, at the least, you’d prefer to spend that money in other ways). So why let someone else “waste” what could have been money for you buying something you wouldn’t spend money on in the first place?

When you actually think about wedding registries, they kind of don’t make a lot of sense, at least from a wedding savings perspective. But what if, instead of getting items you don’t really need or wouldn’t really want to buy, you could just get the cash and help pay for your wedding? I know, I know… you’re thinking, “but Jessie, I can’t just ask people for money… that’d be inappropriate.” And you’re right. It goes against most standard, American wedding traditions to ask for money. But did you know that in lots of places in Asia, couples actually make money on their weddings by taking cash gifts from guests? How awesome would that be? What if, instead of spending thousands of dollars on your wedding, you could actually make at least some of that money back?

Well, with a sneakily created registry, you can. Specifically, there are stores out there where you can return wedding gifts from your registry FOR CASH. That’s right… not just exchanges, and not just store credit. You can actually bring in that $200 mixer and walk out with a pile of cash-o-lah. So imagine you have a 200 person wedding, and you get about 100 returnable gifts averaging somewhere around $100.  Do a little quick math, and that’s $10,000 you can put in your piggy bank to immediately start your new life together. That’s $10,000 toward a new car, or $10,000 toward your down payment on the house you’ll raise your kids in. And while it might seem a little crass and uncouth to return gifts, in the long run, don’t you think your friends and family would be happier knowing they helped you buy the house of your dreams instead of the ice cream maker collecting dust in the cabinets?

Unless you're Britney Spears, this probably isn't your idea of the perfect bridesmaids dress...

As a regular bridesmaid extraordinaire, I’ve done my fair share of bridesmaid dress wearing. Honestly, they’re not all bad. I’ve met very few brides in my life who have ever said to themselves, “I really want to choose the most hideously ugly bridesmaid dress in the world so no one will ever want to wear it again. Oh, and when I’m choosing the ugliest dress possible, I’m going to also factor in price to ensure not only do my bridesmaids have to wear hideous dresses… they also have to pay half a month’s salary for them.”

With that said, the truth about bridesmaids dresses is that even the most beautiful ones the bride can choose rarely end up being a staple of a night out on the town. There’s a good reason for this problem when you actually take a moment to think about it. Most bridesmaids dresses simply don’t fit other regular occasions.  It’s not that they’re ugly, it’s just that these days when I go for a night out on the town, I almost never wear a dress. At most I’ll wear a skirt. But more likely, I’ll slide into some tight jeans, a well-fitting top, and a comfortable-yet-sexy pair of heels.  That’s what a lot of girls wear to clubs these days… not beautiful satin dresses. The result is a lack of wedding savings for the people in the wedding party. And even though every last one of them is going to buy whatever dress you tell them to, know that if they’re not happy with their dresses, they’re going to grumble about you behind your back. To be fair, if they love their dresses, they’ll find something else to grumble about (”this wedding was too far,” “the DJ didn’t play enough Top 40,” “the groom’s 50-year-old uncle got drunk and kept hitting on all the bridesmaids,” etc.), but at least they’ll have to be a bit more creative in determining their criticisms.

So what’s a bride to do when choosing her bridesmaids dresses? My advice is to choose a color, and then let the bridesmaids choose the dress (with your help, of course). Long gone are the days of each bridesmaid wearing identical dresses (or at least those days should be long gone!). Instead, choose a color, and then take your bridesmaids with you shopping for their dresses. What you’ll end up with are dresses that match your color scheme, and dresses bridesmaid will actually like and want to wear again. Why is this? It’s simple… one of the biggest problems with bridesmaids dresses is they’re the same shapes, but bridesmaids don’t come in the same shapes. They’re all different sorts of shapes and sizes, and if you want to properly outfit them, you need to find dresses that fit their body types. By selecting a color pallet but letting them choose the dress, the bridesmaid will find a dress she likes and will want to wear again (even out to a club), while still looking beautiful at your wedding.

Don’t believe me? Take this example. I was one of four bridesmaids for a wedding back in August. The color of the dresses was lime green. Who wants  a lime green dress? No one I’ve ever met, but that’s what my cousin wanted, so that’s what we got. But instead of all four of us getting squeezed into the same exact dress, we got to choose the style. That was great, because we were four very different girls. I’m tall and average-sized, but one of the girls was squat and large, another was super-skinny, and the third girl was so tall I looked like a dwarf next to her. Obviously, no one dress (especially a lime green dress) would fit us all. So instead, we went shopping together one afternoon. And guess what happened. Three of us managed to find dresses we actually liked and flattered our bodies for under $100. But one of the bridesmaids couldn’t find a dress she really liked in that price range. However, there was one dress that looked absolutely awesome on her, but it was $250. In most cases, it would be absolutely ridiculous for one bridesmaid to spend $250 while all the others only spent $100, but she liked the dress so much (lime green though it was), she decided to buy it anyway knowing she’d want to wear it again. Could that have happened with a one-style-(doesn’t)-fit-all type of bridesmaid dress? Absolutely not. But it worked out for the bride in this case because the bridesmaids got to choose their own dresses.

Any you know what… I’ve seen the girl who bought the $250 dress wearing it around town since the wedding. And you know what else? She looks really hot in it!